Welcome to Funkytown

kalin_nestar @ 2008-09-07T16:52:00

2008-09-07T20:54:13Z

It's the K/C/T/K/B Family! ...Dammit, I'm supposed to be doing school. Anyway.

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

They recognize it in Sweden, you know.

2008-08-19T06:04:56Z

While I've never had a cell phone, I first started feeling the headaches from using cordless headphones about 2 years ago. Eventually that grew to my CRT monitor, and then eventually my Dell Inspirion 1720 - which I can't touch. To rest my wrists on the keyboard burns me, even though the actual temperature of the metal isn't hot enough to burn. I have the font set to 20 and the actual laptop about three feet away from me, using an external plug-in keyboard and a wireless mouse. My hand that rests on the mouse will get a reddish tingling rash that will work its way up my arm if I'm on the computer for too many days in a row non-stop. My internet is wireless, and to get near the DSL modem is excruciating. My sinuses swell up in my head and the fluid vibrates like I'm being microwaved.

I've taken four rounds of antibiotics, which usually does something, but this time it didn't. I’m assuming that when I have trapped, vibrating fluid in my brain it has as much chance of causing an infection as any other time one would have clogged sinuses. I’ve also noticed that when I am around allergens, such as dust or pollen, the pain increases and my tolerance to my laptop is almost at zero. I can hear my elliptical machine when it's not on, but plugged in. I can hear my ceiling fan above me when it's not turned on. I can lean in close to appliances with my eyes closed and feel the pressure in my head increase, the vibrating sound excitedly boil like its trying to cook my brains.

I have a cordless phone and at this point I can't talk on it at all. I had thought that this problem was my eyesight, which had become suddenly blurry. The glasses didn't help, and in fact are painful to wear because they put weight on my already painful face. Since I've been working at home online, going to school online, and socializing online, I've found that I needed to start taking ADD medication. Now while that in and of itself isn't odd for me, I have noticed these past few months that the medicine doesn't seem to be working as well as it did. I feel even more confused and disoriented than I ever have before.

Many trips to the doctor for my "sinus trouble" hasn't helped - even though if I go outside on a nice spring growing day, I find that my symptoms are minimal. I have never had seasonal allergies before a few years ago. I started using the Neti Pot to irrigate my sinuses, and while I did find that flushing the crazy amount of (clear) mucus that filled my sinuses to bursting did help for a little bit, it was just a matter of time before they filled up again. These days I do a sinus rinse every hour and a half, just to be able to get through my day. Unfortunately my problem now seems to be that I end up trapping salt water in my head somewhere and no matter how hard I try to lean this way, lean that way, or have someone squeeze my head, I can't seem to get it out. It feels as if the sinus membranes swelled up more now that the fluid was gone, and the water that was left in my head is now solidly trapped. Anywhere in my head that is full of fluid hurts most when I feel the vibration, and yes steroid nasal sprays like Nasonex do help for a few hours. The swelling loosens just long enough to let the water out...but then I just swell back up with mucus.

The assumptions I've made about this change all the time. Obviously it's the wireless signals...but it's also whatever EMFs the CRT monitor was giving off. It was almost a vibrating buzz that I could hear and feel...but yet not hear or feel but almost *sense*...just try telling that to a doctor. "Hang on, doc. I'm getting a transmission from the Mothership." Because at this point I can feel it being given off by my car when I'm driving, and the refrigerator as it hums away. And like I said, anything that would normally cause a little sinus swelling makes it much worse. Dryness, dust, springtime, a cold, a regular headache, eye strain, the pressure of glasses, fumes, even sometimes just frowning will make the feeling much worse. And what can I do? I bought the laptop because it was the CRT monitor that was the biggest problem in the first place. And yes, while the screen does little to hurt me, the keyboard and the processor underneath has it out for me big time.

By using things to soothe my sinuses, like my humidifier and my filtering fan, I have actually increased the electronics in the room. Has it made it better? A little. But have I really fixed anything? Probably not. And so since my degree that I almost have is in Information Technology, and my job that I have is Internet research, and all my friends that I have are located all over the world at this point…what do I do with my life? Leave society and learn to hunt and forage for nuts and berries and eat tree bark? Because at this point I am –angry-. Angry that I live in an information age that I have become completely dependent upon, and yet the people that I depend on that live in that same age as I do seem to think that being “allergic to electricity” is in the same category as how balancing a purple crystal on your forehead will center your Chi. My uncle, who has had this sensitivity for 35 years, excitedly called me up when he heard of my symptoms, gleefully telling me to make sure and put my laptop in a steel box in the basement before I go to bed. I mean…is that any way to live? Does anyone else see how BAD that sucks?
I have a doctors appointment to review the results of my MRI this week, and if they don’t tell me the happy news that there is something terribly wrong with me that they have to cut me open to fix, I’m so ready to put on my tin foil hat and head to Sweden. luciuschakkouratgmaild*tcom

And...I'm not back. Not really. I just didn't have any other place to put this. *smiles*

Edit: Hey, I found something that seems to work. First I went back to wired everything (Internet and hardware. No cordless phones. Sucks, but eh..). After that I attached ferrite beads on all my wires to negate all the excess charge. Actually what I got were ferrite rings at Radioshack. They were called ceramic magnets and I got like 5 for $2.25. You can buy one for 14 bucks online that clip onto your cellphone, but don't be a sucka. Supposedly you get the best effects if you wind some copper wiring to the ring first, then around the cable in question. You can strip a speaker wire, buy a spool of copper wiring, or I've even seen these copper paper clips at Kroger that might do as good a job. Either way, it's a cheap fix.

I found the fastest relief just by placing one of these magnets on my forehead over my sinus cavity and feeling it instantly deflate (no shit). I tucked two, side-by-side under my basebalI cap as I worked today and had no problems whatsoever. I wore one around my wrist to sleep with and the neighbor's WiFi next door didn't bother me a bit. I'm going to have to perform a covert mission after hours and attach rings on all the bastard satellite dishes outside my apartment. Don't think I won't.

More as things develop.

09/16/08 Edit:
A copper wire clamped between my teeth made me realize that the problem was electrical current. Upon grounding myself and feeling the pain stop, I figured it was maybe my metal fillings and started to do some research. The stuff I learned about the mercury in the fillings sounded bad, since it is poisonous after all, but it didn't really seem to fit the symptoms I was having. Finally, I found info on "oral galvanization", which is where the metals in your teeth conflict and cause a battery effect (like chewing on foil).

It took me a a few dentists before one believed me and did what I wanted them to do. I had the 4 metal fillings removed and replaced with composite. Then I had them pull (yes, pull) the molar that had the crown on it. Why pull and not just go with porcelain and gold? Because in my molar there was metal, probably amalgam with mercury, all the way down the root. Even if they replaced the crown I'd still have the problem.

Very slowly I am able to add more electronics to my day. I was able to go back to DSL and get rid of the cable. The area where they pulled the tooth still feels burnt, much like the inside of my head. I'm still sensitive, like getting hot water on a stove burn, but the more I heal, the less I feel it. Ideally, I should stay clear of the pc for a few days and heal up, but that's really hard to do.

Our bodies have an electrical charge naturally. Electricity flows through us and we don't notice because it's a small amount. Because I'm fried on the inside, even the smallest amount doesn't feel great. Each day it does get better, and in fact I can drive again and touch the steering wheel without being in crazy pain.

The dentist told me that the teeth that surrounded the crown, filled or not, all have a substantial amount of decay. He said that it is maybe electrical decay, and you know I wouldn't doubt it. I don't eat sugar, and it's weird that the only ones with that much decay are the ones touching the crown.

The amount of mental clarity that I've gained since pulling the crown has been astounding, not so much because I can now speak in complete sentences, but because something like this could have effected me so badly.

Right now, I do have a hole in my mouth and I do not plan on getting an implant or a bridge. Either of those will have metal and I just refuse to have any metal in my mouth ever again. I do have a wisdom tooth that popped out of nowhere (at 34. isnt that odd?) and it tried to come up last year. I have room for it now, so let's see if I can coax it forward a bit.

The dentist that pulled my crown (different dentist that took out my fillings) told me that while he did learn about oral galvanization in dental school, I was his first case. He also said that when a tooth is causing the body stress, the body will just let it go. He said that while normally a molar in that area is very hard to get out, mine kinda slipped out easily (don't think at this point I hadn't tried to pull that sucker out myself).

Researching online has shown me that there are many, many people suffering from this and that they have no idea why. Not just electricity in general but cell phones and laptops. Because of the "cellphones give you cancer" scare that was going around, people treat you like a loon when you claim that your cellphone gives you headaches. The first dentist I saw LAUGHED at me and I left in tears. It really pisses me off because wifi/cellphones/laptops are new. The amount of wifi we have around us is only a few years old. Usually before they subject the public to something, like prescription drugs for instance, they do studies on it for years. We don't know how things are going to affect us, and we are guinea pigging ourselves and really have no say. Our culture is becoming dependent on these things and subjecting us to them whether we use them or not. I know I sound paranoid, but try being in pain for two years, getting laughed at when trying to get help, and then coming to find out that your teeth are having a reaction to your laptop. Even Vonnie was starting to get horrible ear pains which were becoming incapacitating. I took her immediately to get her fillings out and the pain is GONE. It was her cellphone and her fillings that was causing the problem.

Honestly, if you have this problem, you have a better chance of telling them that you want to have your fillings changed from metal to non-metal because you think they are ugly than claiming that they cause you pain. If you have metal going all the way down inside the root, you might have to pull it like I did. In that case, bring a friend. The dentist made me sign three documents and agreed to do it only because I brought Von along with me to sign. In his mind, he was pulling a good tooth because the pain wasn't typical tooth pain.

You can also look here for a dentist. http://www.iaomt.org/ They are expensive, but very sympathetic. They are more geared towards the poison of the mercury as opposed to the galvanization, but at the time I wasn't particular.

EDIT 09/22/08:
After getting my crown out, I didn't have the same feeling of current, but there were times I was really still sensitive. I'd look around and try to determine what specific areas were causing issues since it wasn't all the time now. I had removed all the magnets because I realized that now they were causing me pain instead of neutralizing. Once I removed them all I could see exactly which areas needed them. I put magnets back on the neighbor's satellite dishes and on the outside AC unit. I'm using cable internet right now with extension cords and an external laptop. I started using a less powerful laptop and contacted Dell about my large one and ow it was making me and Von react. They said they would send me a new one because it was obviously malfunctioning, although I really don't know. I found a website that will install a MuMetal casing over the fluorescent ballast in my laptop screen, which from all the research I've done about mercury in fluorescent tubes and how high the AC voltage is that comes from them, it sounds like a great idea. (Write me if you are interested.) I just want to be sure I've considered everything in my environment before I do another expensive thing.

I'm not the kind that buys into propaganda, or scare tactics. I loathe marketing schemes and social engineering, and think people who fall for them are morons. Everything I find has to have some kind of root in science or else I just can't buy it. I'm too skeptical. I have my pride. Or at least, I think I have some left.

I did notice that the AC unit in the apartment across the road was really causing me some pain when it turned on. It was making Von's ears hurt too...but it was just too far way to be logically causing problems. I figured that it had to be that maybe I acquired a sensitivity, or maybe that their AC unit was causing a power surge to my building...which wasn't even connected to mine as far as I could see. It was really puzzling until I realized that the large windchime I had hanging up on my balcony was made of copper. I called Von right away to take it down and he said that it hurt his ears to hold. He took it down to the car just to get it away and he said that it felt that a string was attached to the center of his chest and was pulling towards the chime. How scary is that shit? Anyway, the chime is gone and I'm in much less pain right now. I bought a cheap $12 milliGauss reader. It just shows a range of green, yellow, and red...I'm not going to be Ghost Hunting. Once it gets here, I can narrow down areas that are bringing in the electromagnetic fields and tweak them. My goal is to just be able to use my computer like I used to. I really don't want to move in with the Amish and have to churn my own butter.
luciuschakkour@gmail.com

Quick and painless

2007-10-05T19:54:38Z

Hey. I’m still here. No time to make comments and the like, so Group Hug!

yes_rhade’s new pics of the kids are adorable. The little one’s going to break some hearts. Oh and the dildo phone is awesome. I think the paying translators is a great idea. Really, everyone wins.

anyela_nestar needs to stop reading so much news that has to do with kids.

betra doesn’t post nearly enough nude photos of herself.

Neither does woven_garland, but the cute drawings make up for it.

And I finally get to see ladyattercop’s Ducky, who is actually not too bad to look at (but then, neither is Lady A).

alteredboi has a new icon (side view) that is probably the rawr-est thing I’ve seen in a while. (My father has passed, and I can tell you that it *is* possible to survive such things *gives you a hug*.)

animemetoo made a comment in anyela_nestar’s journal that I wanted to post to, but didn’t have time. It was a great comment.

I’m sorry korgmeister is sick. I used to get chronic bronchitis all the time, and because of that I have a serious aversion to even the word phlegm (but then who doesn’t, I guess, right?)

Let's see what the job boards say...

2007-09-12T15:12:14Z

Quick update, Bosslady said that she would discuss my possible raise with someone Tuesday(who? she's the one and only owner) and we would talk about it Wednesday morning. I said hello to her on IM and she didn't say anything back, then logged out 45 minutes later. She did, however, tell Von that she would be at a conference all day. Methinks I am being ducked.

Kalin's Trip to Hell, or, Chicken Soup for the Chicken

2007-09-11T00:46:48Z

This is a long email I wrote when I first moved here to be with Vonnie. I was coming from Dallas to Atlanta with everything I owned in one of those huge trailers with my car attached to the back. It's not that well-written, but it's a horrible comedy of errors that I managed to survive. There's the bit about my mom in there, too.

...

My trip began with me backing the trailer and truck out and getting it stuck at a 90 degree angle. I ran over parts of the neighbor's yard, and I had to call my friend Andy to back the truck out for me. It took him some time but he finally did get it back.

After driving a truck and trailer for 6 hours, I got in to Oklahoma in the middle of the night, my mother telling me that she was going to get me a motel room for the night if some guy stopped by. When I got there, the guy wasn't there, but my mother wanted to go the next night instead of the next morning. I knew it was for a booty call, but she wouldn't confirm this. She said that my sister's baby William needed to go to some school meeting at noon the next day. I said that we could leave at one when it would be over. She sighed and was quiet, not really saying yes or no because it would confirm her want to stay behind for this call. I mean, she never said anything about this school thing for William before I got there. I thought it was pretty clear that I was just picking her up so that I wouldn't be driving by myself. Oklahoma was not on my way, and so I wouldn't have shown up if I knew she had some(one)thing else she wanted to do.

She left the next morning and said that she wanted to go to some furniture place when she got back (instead of leaving) because there might be something there that I needed for the house. This was Tuesday and I hadn't had a chance to shower since Sat (perhaps Sunday) because all my things were in boxes. When she got back, she said that William's meeting was the next day at noon, not this day and she wanted me to wait until the next day in the afternoon to go. I was furious. I was already exhausted, dirty, and very disappointed about the way she had treated me (although not surprised) She talked to Vonnie on the phone and got very upset saying that Vonnie was the 'source' of my stress and that she was 'very determined' to get what she wanted. Vonnie had my interests at heart, tho, and my mother didn't. Again, no surprise there. I told her that I needed to be there by Friday to close on the house and had to turn the truck in on Monday. She said I had plenty of time and that everything was going to be fine.

Of course she would say that because she didn't really care. On her end, and as far as she was concerned, everything would be fine. It took me some more time to move a few other things into the truck and by the time I was done, I decided to go to sleep. It was going to be a 12+ hour drive and I really didn't want to end up there in the middle of the night.

The next morning, I was so angry at my mother that I didn't want her to go. Why have someone in the truck when I was likely just to push them out the door anyway? She padded over to me, with a very pitiful look on her face, telling me that she had gone to the bathroom and that there was blood on her poop. This turned into her colon in a later story. If I heard another story that focused on her and not on my obvious issues (Wednesday now, still no shower) then I was going to explode. I was actually about to cry. I dragged myself to the truck around noon and headed out on my own.

Now, the trip in an of itself was long and uneventful, but stressful nonetheless. I couldn't back the truck out of any space and so I had to be very careful when getting gas or stopping. I was panic stricken because I couldn't make a regular u-turn, or drive thru anywhere. Other than to gas up (which was 45-50 bucks a pop, filled like 5 times) I didn't really stop. It took me about 16 ish hours to get there, I think making it about 22 total because I got lost in Atlanta for two hours, driving around delirious at 3am with my mother's dead cell phone with an empty gas tank. I stopped and filled it with 5 bucks, only to drain it getting lost some more and having to stop again. I didn't want to hang around and gas up all the way. I was terrified.

By the time I arrived at Von's, I think it was 4:30am. I felt so frazzled and sick from all the stress of it all that dealing with the realtors was murder. Vonnie's phone, internet and cable had already been cut off, and most of her things were in boxes too. We were just waiting for them to turn off the other utilities. My car was hooked up and attached to the hitch, and so we couldn't go to the realtors to sign papers the next day, (at this point it was the 12th, I believe, closing was on Friday the 14th), but it turned out that it didn't really matter.

I was told by Vonnie when I arrived that since they couldn't get a hold of me earlier that week, they didn't do the paperwork for us to close on the 14th. They knew I was coming from Texas, Vonnie told them they couldn't get a hold of me because I was on the road, but still they took it as that I wasn't going to be here in time for closing. I was furious. I talked with them for a long time about this. They said for me to be there on the 14th and that I could close earlier if I got there before. I got there on the 12th, what more do they want? I told them that I had done everything that I was supposed to do. I paid 700 bucks for that truck that had to be back by Monday the 15th. We had people scheduled, family, that were coming out to help. I wanted to know what they were going to do about it. Five of us in that two bedroom shack, all our things in boxes, no phone or internet, no heat except small space heaters and the gas stove on 24/7.

The mortgage company said that they would pay for extra days on the truck and that they would apply for closing so that we could close Saturday. During this time, days came and went. I did what I could, which was not much. The drive had me sleeping for two days after in a state of waiting for tears. I had a guy remove my car from the hitch so that I could try and accomplish SOMETHING. I asked if we could move into the house before closing and was told no.

We didn't hear back from them until Monday, and they told us that the lawyers office was triple booked and that they were trying to get us an appointment. Tuesday we didn't hear from them, but I did hear from my mother on Vonnie's dying cell phone (Which we used only to contact the realtors. Her charger was packed in an unknown location and the phone went dead a few phone calls after my mother's). My mother called to see if I was mad at her (not if I was alright). When I told her yes, she blurted that she went to the Dr. about her colon and that it wasn't cancer. Good God Almighty, mother...cancer...you took a hard shit and you are giving me a guilt trip about cancer? I told her goodbye and haven't spoken to her since. Sure, and Vonnie is the source of my stress. Uh huh.

Wednesday we were told that Countrywide's (the finance company) computers went down.

Thursday I was told that I needed to give them copies of my tax returns and not just my w-2's. My stuff was all packed. I told them too bad. Vonnie washed my clothes everyday and I slept in her t-shirt. My hair itched because I was washing it in bar soap. I wore dirty socks most of the time because I didn't want to take them off to wash them because it was so cold in the place. I was pissed. They said that they were going to call the IRS to get copies. I said knock yourself out.

I got the call (from the grocery store payphone) that the IRS said they had no record of either me or my husband filing taxes since 1996 (??). At this point, my face looked completely washed out. "Well isn't that something.", I said tonelessly into the phone.

Friday, I stopped by their office and they showed me the 2001 and 2002 "tax returns" they had made for me (the realtors). I looked at them and nodded. Complete with a signature forgery. Nifty.

I told them to come pick me up when it was time to close. I didn't want to talk to them anymore.

They picked me up Saturday and took me down to the lawyers to sign the papers. I was not excited by this point, just merely drained and picturing bodies burning as Vonnie and I waved the Remax Cascade and Providian Financial Services Flags. I was told that closing costs were going to be lowered. I was also told by my latest enemy, Diana Martin of Providian, that I would be getting a check to refund more of the closing costs for all the "drama".

I took the check that I had from some stocks I sold and the check from the over amount paid on the closing costs and tried to open a checking account. I was told that I couldn't have access to my money for 9 days after opening the account. Since I felt that I would really need the money soon (I had thought about buying a car), I deposited the stock check and took the other check to a bank in the area that it came from, scribbling out the "for deposit only" that I had written on the back and praying that they would take it. I walked around with 1500 in cash in my purse for a week. It was quite unnerving.

That weekend we moved, done by Vonnie and myself. It took several trips because we didn't have the family help that we would have had if we had closed when we were supposed to. Now, on the contract, it did say that the closing date was March 14, and I was told this was just in case I ran behind. This was to save me fines of closing late. It also kept me from suing them.
On Sunday, my car broke down on the way home from one house to the other. Now the only transportation we had was the moving truck, and the public transportation doesn't run to Jonesboro where we moved to. Von ex's sister bumped my car with hers until we ended up in the parking lot of a Home Depot. Now the decision was, what to do with my car? Have it towed where? Who would tow it? How would we contact them? We didn't even have a phone book, and Vonnie was not familiar with this town we moved to. Was it worth fixing a 10 year old car?

On Monday, I bought a new car for Von. We put down $500. Its a Kia Rio. Its metallic gold in the light and metallic green in the shadows. Neat.

Now, this was the current problem. If I waited until that car appeared on my credit, I wouldn't be able to get approved for a car for me, so on Tuesday I bought another car. Its a Nissan Quest mini-van. Forest green. Loaded. Its got a VCR. Pointed in the direction of Home Depot and said "There's your trade-in."

Tuesday afternoon I returned the truck and trailer. When I returned home, Vonnie said that gas man and the electric man had come with work orders to shut off the service, which they did (the service wasn't in my name yet). We sadly sent the internet/phone man away an hour later since there was no electric now. We lit candles. We snuggled. Just another cold night.

On Wednesday, I went to get a receipt from the truck and trailer man so that Diana Martin, the financial services woman, could pay it. It was $900. I had already paid for the first week of 700$. The 900$ was for my 100$ deposit, plus the extra 300 fruitless miles I gathered while going to Oklahoma, and 50$ for the last fill-up I refused to do because I wanted to get rid of the truck. The remainder were the extra days, adding up to about 650$ that I wanted her to pay. She said she would pay them, that is until I called her on Wednesday.

I returned home from the truck place and Vonnie was dancing because we had the electric back on. She was able to finish drilling the front door for the new doorknob. We would be able to keep our door closed tonight without the aid of a box since the electric was cut off in mid-drilling the previous day. I crumpled on the steps with my head in my hands because I had just given my last $900 to the truck man. I looked over and saw my husbands electric bill, forwarded to me by mistake. Even better.

While I gone with the truck man, the phone rang with the wrong number. Evidently the phone from the previous owners was still hooked up. Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, I called Diana Martin back and yelled at her for a while. She said I was trying to get a free ride.

"A free ride? You think any of this money is going in my pocket? You think that we just farted around, letting the truck sit in front of this house and taking it for joyrides for fun? Two women moved it by ourselves, it was REALLY cold last night even with all our blankets, there are three kids in this house, I went without a shower for almost a week, wearing the same clothes, we have had no phone, no internet, and no cable. All of our things are STILL in boxes. My friends and family haven't heard from me since I left, and I have 30 dollars left in my pocket. YOU said that you were going to cut me a check to lower the closing costs even more because of the "drama", but am I asking for that? NO. That would be looking for a free ride. YOU said you were going to pay for the truck, and you are going to."

Since I didn't know the number that I was calling from, she told me to call her back in 15 mins.

I waited. I smoked.

I smoked some more.

I called her back and she offered to pay me $450.

I offered to talk to my lawyer.

She offered me $664, which was the amount minus the gas fee and the extra Oklahoma mileage fee.

I told her that was acceptable and to mail me a check.

Its now Thursday and I'm tired. All the time in between this story has been spent unpacking and rebuilding all that we had to take down to move. I am surprised that we have accomplished as much as we have. We have internet and cable, but no phone until March 10th. We still have the "mystery phone", but who knows how long that will last. Hopefully until the 10th. I think I've been to Home Depot three or four times, CompUSA twice (My computer broke too. It broke my fall when I slipped down the muddy ravine, carrying the tower to the moving truck. Vonnie fixed it), and the grocery store countless times. I would love a day where I could stay home and unpack. I fixed the downstairs toilet. Had to take it out of the floor. Not a nice job.

...

On a side note, that check from Diana Martin bounced twice. I called the bank every day for two weeks until there was enough to cover it and bolted to the bank to cash it.

My sister usually comes up as "Sally Frog"

2007-09-10T23:32:43Z

I've been ducking my family for a bit now. I really just want to slip quietly into the shadows.

So the phone rings (just now), and the called ID says "unknown number". Von picks it up and its my sister Jessica, who asks for me. I hear Von tell her that I am not here, and no she doesn't know why I am not returning phonecalls. I tip-toe out of the room because I am not comfortable with lying, and that if I'm really there my sister will just feel it somehow.

First of all, it cracks me up that my sister thought that she could get me on the phone by masking her number. I have no problem letting each and every phone call go to voicemail. If Von wasn't here, I'd never pick the damn thing up. Ever.

Von is such a fantastic liar. I'm so glad she's on my side.

So my sister tells Von that she is very worried about me, and that the last time I avoided the family and "shelled up" like this was when I was 17 and my boyfriend dumped me.

What?

Vonnie still doesn't relinquish the phone, and does it with flair and a calm poker face. My sister gets an attitude.

How can my sister honestly think that the last time we didn't speak to each other was almost 20 years ago? I've been posting about them in my journal for a while now and no one reading this could believe that.

When I...oh the phone is ringing...Maryland suburb. Could be Von's mom, could be my mother's sister. Too much risk. I'll let it go to voicemail.

As I was saying, when I first moved here, I had such a looney tunes fight with my family that we didn't talk for two years. Let me say that again: 2003 and 2004 were really great years. It was only one example of countless 'breaks' we've had. Knowing my family, they are convinced that Von is the mastermind behind the whole thing, and that she has brainwashed me into disliking them.

I think I'll post emails of that fight in 2003.

I'm fuming...

2007-09-10T15:55:50Z

I asked my boss for a raise today. I've never had to do that before, really. I did sort of ask for one about a year ago when she said she was going to be starting an incentive program where I get a percentage of every person I place. When I told her that I'd rather have a raise, she told me that raises don't work. I guess she feels that they aren't motivating. Thing is, not getting a raise, or any commissions at all since the 'incentive' program, has just made me feel bitter. The quality of my work has gone downhill. I've gained in skill by leaps and bounds since she hired me, but I'm not working as hard, letting myself wander, feeling angry and justified in doing so.

Today she told me about the 'incentive' program again, telling me that I could make up to 50k a year. I told her that she told me that way back when and that I haven't seen a dime. The worst part is is that she isn't reliable. Yes, she pays the PayPal accounts she sends me, but I have heard enough stories of her recruiters either not making money or having to track her down for a month to get their commissions. I shouldn't have to do that. I told her that I would rather have a raise on the base. She said she'd talk to someone about it and get back to me on Wednesday.

Von made an interesting comment. She told me to just give myself a raise and that she'd probably pay it without noticing. I'm not good with the lying/cheating/stealing thing, but that did give me an idea. I've reached a special level of bitter, the kind where I want to sabotage my boss' efforts, where deleting someone's qualified resume because they were snotty, doesn't bother me a bit. Either way, I get the same amount of 'thanks'. I mean, what if I logged more hours than I worked? She'd never know, really. Honestly, what difference does it make if I sit here and post this for half an hour after looking for houses in Colorado on realtor.com for an hour before that, and just stopping an hour short? I must have reached a certain level of disgusted. My job is pretty good in most respects except that my boss is just not dependable. She's been promising insurance for almost 2 years now, too. She told me on the phone that insurance is right around the corner. That means nothing. Nothing. The promise of compensation isn't really compensation, whether you get it or not.

He can't even run his own life; I'll be damned if he'll run mine.

2007-08-16T13:21:48Z

I can't watch Fullmetal. It's just so fucking sad. It kills me.

I saw the Jeep commercial with the song Sunshine (come back another day), and so I was looking for it on YouTube (the song, not the commercial). In the search I found that someone had put the song to a FMA. Gads, just the thought makes me want to cry.

You and me, Two has spooken

2007-08-15T15:19:56Z

I really enjoy listening to songs in Japanese. Songs from Bleach in particular. I've read the translation at the bottom of the screen so many times that I know what they are saying by the emotions that the song invokes as it plays out.

Funny thing is, I always think about the same thing when I hear these songs. I wish that my mother knew how I felt when I heard them. I look forward to when I see her again so that she can see me listening to them and we can talk about them and how deeply they affect me. And then I remember that she has been here for a visit since then, and how she doesn't care about my preferences.

Von had Yazoo on her desktop wallpaper, and my mother was looking at it. I swooned and remarked, "Isn't he beautiful?" To which my mother replied in a repulsed fashion, "No!"

When I was little, she'd make me aware of my mindless rambling by humoring me with "yes, yes. Go on." type of comments. Or even sometimes, a "Good God, get to the point. Yadda Yadda." with a roll of the eyes. It makes a person not want to continue. She still does it when she just doesn't care about what I have to say, which is most of the time.

They know nothing about me. Nothing deep. They are so focused inward. It just hurts my feelings when they treat my thoughts and feelings as insignificant, but yet treat IDEA of me as a god.

I am so not telling them when or where I move.

I need to think of something else when I listen to Japanese music.

I wonder where he gets it from.

2007-08-14T17:17:46Z

The baby has a new sense of independence these days. Since he was six months old, he's liked to sneak up the stairs when no one was looking. Yesterday, at a year and a half, he climbed out of bed, a first, and went down the stairs. He about gave me a heart attack when he toddled into my downstairs office all by himself. He's so fearless sometimes.

There was one of those garden orb spiders in one of the bushes. I had to keep telling Angeles not to pet the spider because it was so little. So, instead he leaned forward to kiss the spider, and I told him that he couldn't kiss the spider because it might scare him. Really, the kid loves creatures. Always kissing things. He was kissing some new plants I bought. I told him he had to be very gentle when touching the plants, so he kissed them. When we went to the zoo, he kissed the warthog though the glass, and at the petting area I had to watch him because he kept kissing the goats, trying to kiss the pigs, and desperately trying to maneuver himself so that he could kiss the sheep on the nose. One tired lamb couldn't take it and shoved the baby against his chest with his head. I guess not everyone likes to be kissed.

Just to be safe, always put your insecurities on your cover letter.

2007-08-14T13:01:26Z

"I have worked in an accounting firm for the last eight years. I am currently an A stupid with a 3.94 GPA heading towards my Bachelor of Accounting."

I got this email yesterday with a resume attached for a tax accountant job we have. I really want to know, did she notice her unfortunate typo as it was being sent? Can't you just see her face, wide eyed, clicking the mouse furiously and screaming, "No, damn you! NOOOO!"

I'm taking a poll

2007-08-10T16:45:31Z

Should I paint my front door red?

Here's a little Photoshopping whatif:

Yes?
No?

Wow, it's a public secondary school and so much more.

2007-08-05T20:28:28Z

I was doing some research on some good Georgia schools (yes, there are a couple) and I found this on Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitewater_High_School_%28Georgia%29

Nothing much to look at in the body, but check out the school stats on the left. The links had me rolling.

sigh

2007-08-02T16:52:30Z

Sometimes, I feel like Kif.

Voice Post

2007-08-01T02:57:08Z

This is my sister, Jessica, who called earlier today and I didn't answer the phone, again. Evidently they had the family reunion and it was just as fun as I thought it was going to be. It boggles my mind how she thinks that I don't include her in the bag o'nuts. Also, FYI, other than what I've posted in my LJ, I've never said anything about Lisa. I don't know her. By saying, "Neni was right!" Indicates that I said something other than, "Jessica, I don't know her." Man they love to stir it up.

[edit] I think I was wrong about my first impression of the message. I had to listen to it again, although I really didn't want to. Two separate fights for two different reasons. Really, I think that Christy is probably just learning that the family is crazy, cruel, and irrational.

I don't want to talk to my sister. I want them to fade into the background of my life, but I'm afraid to tell them that. It doesn't work, as they forget that I said it (or what I say to them carries no meaning), and they can be violent, crazy mad. Like, I am scared to piss them off. I am irritated that they know where I live.

I need an idea, stat!

2007-07-31T23:18:22Z

Ok, I'm alone in the house. This never happens. The kids are at a friend's house, and the wife and baby are off getting drive-thru. I have about 15 minutes to do ANYTHING I WANT. Any ideas on what I should do?

1. Must be able to happen in 15 mins or less.

2. Must not leave any evidence.

3. Must be inside the house.

Heehee!

Planning for the next step

2007-07-27T03:38:21Z

Well, I updated my resume and posted it for all to see. Well, all the recruiters on CareerBuilder to see. No idea if it will glean me much of anything, but hey it's possible. I'm really good and have lots of experience in the area I'm trying to get out of, and have no experience in the job I actually want. I don't think my chances are that good, but it's a step in the right direction. I get the feeling that the job I have now has little to offer me in the way of growth. I'd say in about 6 months, I will have gotten out of it all I'm going to. Plus, I'll be able to have a three-year time span on my resume. Not that I've been there three years, but that the dates will look like 2005-2008, even though I got hired in late 2005.

Maybe I can find an internship. Working at home means that I could do that and still work part-time...I wonder what my boss would think about that. Eh.

Half Price/Barnes&Noble isn't as cool as all that.

2007-07-25T15:07:25Z

My only regret in life is that I spent my 20s having sex with booksellers instead of rockstars.

...

I am so pissed off about that right now. I could have been fucking *rockstars*.
Booksellers? What the hell was I thinking?

Damnation...

2007-07-20T21:22:36Z

Von is on the phone right now with her mother's sister, who lives in NJ. I don't think that Von has seen her in a while.

Come to find out, she called because she's in town, and I assume that she wanted to see the kids and such. Also come to find out, she is calling from a restaurant three minutes from our house. Also come to find out, she did not know about me, Vonnie, or Angeles. I am so not used to a family that doesn't gossip. I guess maybe she thought that Von was still married to her ex-manhusband?

Man, I am in the middle of work, I've been napping a headache off all day, and I am still in the clothes I have slept in from last night. I don't know is she is going to be here in three minutes, but I doubt I will make a good impression. I'm pretty sure my smell is not going to make one. What an uncomfortable situation this is going to be. Mrh.

Anyone know how to fix this issue?

2007-07-19T01:22:27Z

kalin: here I am
von: 62
kalin: 62?
von: the ch53d d5d s60eth5ng t6 0y 3a*t6*
kalin: the child did something to my...I can't get the last word
von: Angeles did something to my laptop
kalin: it looks like you are talking leet
kalin: ? really?
von: i have to hold down the function key to get letters
kalin: so that all your Is are 5s
kalin: LOL
kalin: that is bizarre...
kalin: How do you fix that?
kalin: It's kinda like code...
von: *lots of cursing*
von: i don't know how to fix it
von: 22
von: sh5t
kalin: I bet 22 is bad language in your land
von: 6h 5 a0 s6 f4c25ng 0ad r5ght n6w
kalin: The Black Falcon Rides at Night. I repeat, The Black Falcon Rides at Night.
von: y64r f4nny
kalin: And your fanny too.
kalin: Is it just for IM, or for all typing?
von: A33
kalin: BINGO!
kalin: Wait, did you just call me an ass?
von: no i said all
kalin: 8h n8es! 7t m78t be a v1r0s!
kalin: 1ts 4app3n1ing 2 m3 t00!
kalin: ok, so maybe I am an ass

ROFL

2007-07-17T21:51:16Z

Oddly now, I'm craving bananas.

2007-07-12T18:54:20Z

Von does this around the house sometimes. Life isn't that bad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgxxAwue7Fs

It was like listening to an episode of Squidbillies.

2007-07-12T04:12:00Z

Three of my family members have called me recently, just to pretend that we are friends. Really, I think they are confused as to why I don't want to hang with them.

One of them was my "cousin", or the child my mother's sister gave up for adoption. Must have been a fashionable trend back then. Having only heard stories of her, I have never heard such a pushy, white trash person as I heard on the phone the other night. Considering the rest of us sound uppity, I'm surprised she found a niche in the Hughes Clan.

She wanted to "open a door". Well, all fine and good except that she knew very well that I didn't want that, evidently per Jessica. She called me by my childhood name, Neni. Did she know me when I was six? I told her she couldn't call me by such an intimate name. She didn't know me. I also told her that I didn't want to tell her why I seem to be "missing" in the family loop, and when she told me I was a "hard-ass" that had "serious trust issues", I told her that the reason I didn't trust her is BECAUSE she was blood, and that I didn't owe her anything. She said that she was my cousin whether I liked it or not, and...well I think at that point I was yelling and then just hung up on her. As if I talk to the cousins I have now. She has absolutely no idea. She said that 'our' family was crazy, sure, but that they were "good people". What? You have obviously only been in the family for a couple of years, dear. You missed the childhood abuse. You can have my future share, meddling stranger.

Of course I didn't tell her anything about that because it's none of her business. I don't want her to know anything about me or what I have been through. She can just think I'm the crazy one.

Von says she is no longer giving me the phone.

Wonder what they are going to talk about at the "family reunion" in two weeks?

FUME

2007-07-11T20:21:01Z

I am THIS close *pinch* to telling my family I am moving to Yemen.

I am NOT the one losing my mind like she likes to think

2007-07-10T17:29:13Z

My boss tells me to do something and then later questions why I did it and then denies that she told me that was the way to do it. It's really a no-win situation, no matter how you look at it. Happens all the time. I mean, we talk via IM, and I archive all my IM conversations, so I totally have proof. Thing is, how far will it get you to prove your boss wrong? How profitable is that, really?

Like yesterday she's telling me that the search I've been doing is all wrong because it doesn't require PM experience. That the position never required PM experience. I'm gently trying to jog her memory, but its not working. I'm sitting here, staring at the conversation we had a month ago, just itching to paste it into the IM window...

Cxxx Cxxx: (to prevent her from searching for her name, I put xs): additional details on the Oracle CRM position. Here are modules they can have
Cxxx Cxxx: Advanced Scheduler
Cxxx Cxxx: Depot Repair
Cxxx Cxxx: Field Service
Cxxx Cxxx: so an overall maintenance consultant
Cxxx Cxxx: need PM experience now

I just had to tell SOMEONE.